Anyone who knows me even in the most basic sense knows that I don't like children. It's a fact, and it's something about which I have pretty fervently expressed opinions. Anything under the age of 18 is simply not worth my time.
At least, that's what I tell people...
It's easier than explaining the truth anyway...
The truth, however, is that I am wholly terrified by babies, toddlers, pre-teens, etc... They make me want to dive headfirst into a closet and shiver in fear until I know for sure that they've gone.
Sure, they're tiny. They're defenseless. Their intelligence level is vastly inferior to my own.
Secondly, parenting is paralyzingly scary. The thought of it alone makes me break out in a sweat. Like the kind of sweaty you get when you know you're not alone in a room but can't see anything in there with you just after you've finished watching some horror film with lots and lots of gore and copious amounts of teeth-gritting suspense. This is not because I'd have to spend one-on-one time with the one thing that scares me most in this world (babies are to me as snakes are to Indiana Jones), but because my actions are what is shaping this little being into what it will be later on in life. For the first several years of his or her life, I will be entirely responsible for him or her.
At least, that's what I tell people...
It's easier than explaining the truth anyway...
The truth, however, is that I am wholly terrified by babies, toddlers, pre-teens, etc... They make me want to dive headfirst into a closet and shiver in fear until I know for sure that they've gone.
Sure, they're tiny. They're defenseless. Their intelligence level is vastly inferior to my own.
But they scare the ever-loving bejeezus out of me.
Firstly, I don't understand them. I have a really hard time connecting to children, because I can't really remember ever thinking like a child. I live very much in the present (and I also have a little memory problem), so I remember very little of anything from before 5-6 years ago, and it's incredibly difficult for me to understand and therefore to relate to them.
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| Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes??? |
Entirely responsible.
Me.
Responsible.
For that itty bitty, little thing.
For that itty bitty, little thing.
Yes, I will have a husband present (hopefully... unless something in my life goes terribly, terribly wrong*), but what if I do something to my child that turns them into a serial killer? What if I scar them for life, and they grow up to either hate me or, even worse, themselves? What if I raise this (see below)???
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| Hitler Baby!! Achtung!!!!! |
As irrational as it may seem, this is a legitimate fear of mine.
Thirdly, I was raised by an absolutely wonderful Mom. I remember her always being there for us, telling us stories, hugging us when we were upset, and whooping our asses when we were being little jerks. She was (and is) the epitome of maternal greatness (MomLady, I love you!!!), and not only that but she raised two pretty well-adjusted (if not a little odd) young women who have bright futures ahead of them. How is this an explanation for why you're scared of kids, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.
How can I live up to that? Yes, I'm a different person, so my parenting style will be different from my Mom's, and my Mom is not a perfect person. But she did such a bang-up job, how can I even compare to that?? Blah...
So I guess, in the end, it's not really kids that I'm afraid of but of being a Mom and everything that comes along with that package deal.
Are kids in my future? Possibly. But also maybe not. I'm not one to say at this point. I won't actively say that I don't want to have any children, but I am most definitely not doing anything that would result in children at this point in my life. Case closed.
Lord give me strength.
Peace.
Stef.
Thirdly, I was raised by an absolutely wonderful Mom. I remember her always being there for us, telling us stories, hugging us when we were upset, and whooping our asses when we were being little jerks. She was (and is) the epitome of maternal greatness (MomLady, I love you!!!), and not only that but she raised two pretty well-adjusted (if not a little odd) young women who have bright futures ahead of them. How is this an explanation for why you're scared of kids, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.
How can I live up to that? Yes, I'm a different person, so my parenting style will be different from my Mom's, and my Mom is not a perfect person. But she did such a bang-up job, how can I even compare to that?? Blah...
So I guess, in the end, it's not really kids that I'm afraid of but of being a Mom and everything that comes along with that package deal.
Are kids in my future? Possibly. But also maybe not. I'm not one to say at this point. I won't actively say that I don't want to have any children, but I am most definitely not doing anything that would result in children at this point in my life. Case closed.
Lord give me strength.
Peace.
Stef.
*This comment was not to offend single parents. I can't imagine raising a kid with another person to help me much less doing it alone! I commend all of you single parents. You are doing the impossible on a daily basis, and I admire you and your amazing achievements.
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